Diversity | A Call for Courage

How we relate to diversity influences each relationship, process and outcome.

Appreciating diversity has become a mantra in industry where its meaning is often limited to compliance, economic drivers and market perception. When recently asked to speak to a leadership class on the topic, I spent several minutes thinking about corporate diversity programs, case validation, and strategies to develop and promote them. Such programs are important but only successful when we view diversity at a deeper level than head counts, risk management and gaining a competitive edge.

On the heels of my initial thoughts, I reflected on the current state of our domestic and international relations. Clearly, the hostile rhetoric and escalating tensions are evidence of more shouting than listening, and more blaming than accountability.

For those who claim to welcome diversity, consider how we handle diversity of thought and opinions when the color of our skin, our age or gender, function within a group, or other obvious differences do not flag our awareness to be receptive. All we have to do is listen to the local news for five minutes to recognize that we are opposing rather than appreciating diversity, within ourselves and others.

We design the constructs of our relationships to prevent conflict. There is no talking of politics, religion or anything else that might disrupt a business deal or friendly get-together. Instead of appreciating the differences in our relationships with others, we pretend they don't exist. Or worse, we lose the best of ourselves by conforming to gain acceptance.

Are we so afraid of losing or disrupting the illusion of our tidy world that we allow only 'what we know' to define our relationship to it? or are we willing to truly hear and appreciate another position that may lead us to think about a person or thing differently? His/her ideals may disagree with a long-held 'knowing' but at the same time, lead to rich opportunities for peace/resolution? If we choose the latter, we are free to recognize our resistance and mentally shift to release generalizations and inaccurate assumptions only distancing us from the means and ends we all claim to treasure.

We can start one moment at a time by being aware of our judgments of another. Don't let the need to be right guide your interaction. Assigning the right or wrong labels is a trap that only leads to frustration, anxiety, blame, guilt, and shame - all products of judgment. None of which are useful in a constructive world.

So the next time you assess a situation, put aside assumptions and be open to insights that are not your own - the true value of diversity. When you collaborate with another, set aside your own opinions (thoughts and words) and just be present with the person next to you. You will be amazed by the quality of information, the trust gained in that relationship, and the possibilities this awareness brings to meeting the needs at hand.

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.   —Nelson Mandela  

Thanks for reading. Now off to create that presentation.

Be patient and kind with yourself and others, especially when the stakes are high.

Now more than ever, a new year brings an opportunity to reflect on past lessons and to create what we want for 2012 and beyond. For me, I intend to live a productive and fulfilling life and know that everyone I meet holds that desire, no matter our race, creed, political party, status or any other social construct that seemingly divides us. So why is finding common ground so elusive with so much at stake? 

When it comes to the biggest, most important decisions of our lives, individually and together, we often forget that there is always a way to bring common needs and understanding to the table instead of the battle gear we bring instead.

Listening for needs - with a common goal of meeting them - will solve the growing divisive rift threatening our civil system and feeding unrest within our communities and organizations. Surely if warlords from tribal nations can find common ground for living in peace to enable their cultures to thrive, a super power nation and its parts can do the same.

I'm not a political scientist or economist, only an individual connected to the whole who wants to enjoy a fruitful life and make way for others to do the same. How will you serve this year?

"That service is the noblest which is rendered for its own sake." - Mohandas Gandhi

A Matter of Words

In my previous post on the word "problem" and the power we assign it, I shared the importance of how we internalize its meaning rather than how we face it, which are two sides of the same coin. Words can empower and transform or just as easily disempower and defeat our ambitions, ideas, and actions. They are powerful seeds that shape and influence our views of self, relationships with the world around us, and the impact we bring to every situation. This information isn't new but is often forgotten as egos compete for attention and immediate needs for change threaten to convert creative energy to loss-focused desperation.

When facing goals or problems, are you using fight, decrease, loss, lose, defend or lessen as part of your thinking or strategy? If so, you are operating from a sense of loss and sabotaging your progress. Gain, increase, optimize, win, acquire and a host of other creation-based words will inspire and energize the thinking behind the strategy and the actions it manifests.

It's important to remember that intentions shared between two people, a group, or functions within an organization may be the same but presented from different points of view. All are valued and respected so it's important to acknowledge these intentions and convert loss-based dialogue to that of generating abundance. All too often, semantics and word choices are discounted as minor blips in communications across generations, cultures and disciplines but when acknowledged and aligned can be very powerful moments of connection. The global workplace is a fertile testing ground where awareness and understanding are increasingly fundamental to an organization's structure, culture and ability to thrive in a dynamic environment.

"Problem" is just a word.

Avoiding the word, problem, has been the topic of many motivational speakers and self-help authors for at least a decade. In personal and professional circles, using this two-syllable noun in just about any conversation has become a veritable sin to be avoided at all costs.  Apparently, "problem" is viewed as a negative word that instills fear and disables positive thinking. So we simply replace it with another and off we go, right? I'm not so sure. My first question is why do we give this word so much power to overwhelm and defeat without giving it a second thought? After all, it is just a word that's only negative and disempowering if we feed the fear of this mainstream belief and allow it to become our own.

Words are just words; and based on individual life experiences, beliefs, and world views, their meanings are subjective. Why not honor others by genuinely recognizing their fears and concerns without allowing these feelings and distorted perspectives to derail significant progress?

Openly recognizing a problem, puzzle, riddle, or obstacle as something to be solved and then, taking on the challenge to overcome it will only further empower those committed to the profound work required to bring about vital change.

The Times They are A-Changin' —Bob Dylan

When problems blindside you, what is your first thought...who or what is to blame or what lessons will inform the solution? Accountability is critical but that alone will not solve the problem. Neither will pointing fingers and going on the offensive to protect the self at all costs. Rest assured, there will always be someone or something to blame but the real question is how much time are you willing to waste by pointing fingers to feel more secure and validated?

More important, why is this behavior so commonplace when it clearly benefits the few and disempowers the many? Our government exemplifies the destructive nature of this behavior and for what? How much further will we allow the fear of losing individual power, identity, status, and wealth to control us as individuals, communities, businesses, and nations before we recognize that this motivation only perpetuates further disaster?

Transformational change is uncomfortable and takes courage to face. Whether the catalyst for change is defined as a problem, challenge, obstacle, or any other noun you choose, what's important is whether we collectively fight and avoid or embrace and engage the possibilities that only present themselves in times of need. The latter requires self awareness, inclusiveness and a common commitment to pursue the ideal solution rather than the most readily available one, which is typically self-serving and short-lived.

On the former, go ahead, cling to what you think you know, enabling the fear of loss to drive your actions. The wheels will keep turning (or spinning), day in and day out until you recognize that you are helplessly trapped in the fortress of status quo with no way out.

The Moment Between Knowing and Being Aware

My drive to work this morning was just like any other spring morning. It was Monday so the mental transition from my weekend self to my weekday self was still underway. For some reason, today, I was keenly aware of the cascading to-dos...projects to tackle, meetings to prepare for, unexpected emails and voice mails that would need to be addressed in between my already packed schedule and so on.

I found that I'm usually so consumed by these thoughts that I completely miss the hundreds of tiny special sights on the way. The children enthusiastically waiting for the school bus in their fresh spring clothes, birds chirping, construction workers clearly wishing they were somewhere else, and fellow drivers in such a rush that they barely stop at stop signs to avoid having to wait for anyone else. You know, the normal stuff. This small moment in time was outside the vortex that I'm so accustomed to operating in when I have things to do and people to see. Even though I know these happenings exist because I see them everyday, I rarely witness them. As simple as it sounds, this moment was refreshing and instructive.

I'm not sure why I tuned in to my surroundings at that moment, on a Monday morning like any other, but am so glad that I did. Who knows what really happens in these seemingly insignificant moments when we choose to flip the switch on the perpetual "what's next" type of thinking. What I do know (or perceive) is that it only distances us from our ability to be present and appreciate the tiny bits of peace and enlightenment that are only available when we choose to not only know our surroundings, but to be keenly aware of them.

The Power of Listening Generously

The principle of "give and you will receive" was important to me as a child and though the context is different, it continues to hold true today. After all, there isn't much in the world more fulfilling than wholeheartedly giving to another in need. Over the past few months, I have been very fortunate to receive a new understanding of this concept in the art of listening. Not merely hearing and assigning, but listening. Quite the opposite of hearing a colleague speak while immediately assessing the benefits and costs, etc., and waiting for my turn to participate in the process. I'm finding that truly listening to another, my thoughts aside, and building from there is a magical experience in process and outcome.

In my experience, no matter the setting, teamwork is often framed on the tenets of bringing multiple perspectives and talents together to form a concept, gain consensus on the trajectory of the project at hand and taking action that's measurable. We debrief to learn from missteps and start all over again. Next. However, what Generative Leadership Group calls, generous listening, brings a whole new dimension to this process. The concept is simple, but application requires the listener to be present and focused on the speaker's meaning, from the speaker's point of view rather than the many filters found in "automatic listening" running just under our conscious radar. This form of listening derives judgments and opinions from our personal experience, belief systems, and everything past or what we "know." The beauty in generous listening is the open space we consciously reserve for co-creating and uncovering possibilities for the future - uncharted territory. What's important is having the awareness and understanding that we have a choice to engage in automatic or generous listening depending on the situation at hand.

As I continue to examine the basis for each and to bring generous listening into every aspect of my life, I'm finding that automatic listening is part of our ego's central nervous system that protects us and drives us to succeed. This MO has served many folks well over the hills and valleys of life. Unfortunately, the ego brings baggage that, more often than not, interferes with the very moment, conversation, interaction and attitude needed to discover that one special chain of consciousness that leads to possibility after possibility. I'm grateful for this opportunity to learn more about myself and those I interact with everyday.