It's been awhile since I've written, and I am amazed at the twists and turns from then to now. In the last few months, I landed a great job and a couple of months later found that my mother, the strongest person I've ever known, had cancer and was critically ill. Of course I had to immediately hop on a southbound plane having no clue what was to come. I missed almost a month of work traveling to Texas and back (and am still catching up but that's another story).
Though I would never wish this pain and suffering on anyone, I was fortunate to witness my incredible mother's courage and generosity while taking on the battle of her life - I will never be the same. Somehow during this chaotic period I woke up and realized that the external indicators on which we rely are mostly distractions to actually living…our internal compass is true. Thankfully, mom is on the mend and getting stronger every day. What a privilege it is to send flowers on Mother's Day.
Events this year have tested me more than I could have imagined. I'm finding that external consequences and the accompanying fear, worry, etc. that influenced my choices in the past are taking a backseat in my decision-making process. Though socially painful at times (personally and professionally), I know it will all shake out as intended. Respecting what's alive in me and those around me is the key. There's no need to worry or conform to create the illusion of control. I can still have dreams and goals and actively cultivate them, but am okay with the inevitable uncertainty.
I'm finding that life is a partner that demands our attention, whether we accept "what is" and adapt or resist it and stagnate is up to us. Saying "no" only brings more adversity, while saying "yes" presents new pathways. Lao Tzu's principle, "be open to everything and attached to nothing," allows us to see beyond the distractive assumptions, judgements and identity fixations blocking the energy and focus necessary to living a meaningful life.
